The Misadventures of Granny's Dentures

Whats that now? What's that I hear?
Quietly creeping up the stairs,
Cunning canines, molars, grinders
Walking up in polished pairs.
They march right up, to the sweet tins
And sit upon the chocolate shelf,
Mint and candy, toffee too
Greedily they help themselves.
Get the toothbrush! Hurry! Quick!
Be on bacteria alert!
Bring them down, all those false toothies
Rid them from the face of the earth!
Here now comes the dainty tooth fairy,
But granny grabs her by her shin
She flings her back to fairy land
Then smiles her gummy toothless grin!

Family Ties

Here are two poems that I wrote when I was 11 or 12 years old!

Featuring :

Merlin (Mummy) the disastrous cook (whose food I now devour having joined the breed of hungry hostelites!)

And dearest Daddy, what can I say.....nothing has changed!

THE GREAT DISASTER

It was so exciting, I must say
On that particularly fine Sunday
When the washing machine overflowed
And daddy said, 'Darn it! We're really blowed'

Brother and I, shreiked in delight
We had a pool, oh what a sight
And daddy said, "Do calm down dear,
When I take charge theres nothing to fear'

Mop in one hand, a bucket in the other
He tried to cheer up dear old mother
He swept, we leapt, the job went faster
When there occured the Great Disaster
Dad slipped and tried real hard to stop
But it was too late, he fell down PLOP!

Mum rushed over, "How are you dear?"
Dad mumbled, "I think I've busted my rear"
And everyone gathered and fussed around
The "poor little baby" still flat on the ground!

And now, though dad is well again
And sprightly as all other young men
Dad and machines must stay apart
They really aren't compatible at heart.

MERLIN THE DISASTROUS COOK

Merlin the disastrous cook,
Her food you'll surely dread,
A dose of some of her nasty chops
Could land you up in bed.
It's quite edible for a monster,
Not for humans, so beware,
You never know what could happen,
Probably termites growing out of your hair!
It smells of rats and engine oil
And a hundred other things as well,
And when they're all mixed together
You get a most ferocious smell.
I think she's gonna cook a lizard today
Or maybe even a HARE,
And I'm gonna stay right out of the way
So you folks have gotta BEWARE!

Not-So-Smarties

(the winning title)

When granny was a little kid,
She ate huge bars of candy.
Now look! She’s in this horrid state,
Life’s no more fine and dandy!
We cannot sell her off now
‘Cause she cannot even talk,
When we take her for interviews
She’s like a gaping gawk.
The moral of the story,
Is spelt out loud and clearly,
It is a fact applicable
To every boy and girlie…
Grow old and gray with creaky joints
And wrinkled in the bum….
BUT
Don’t kill us with unsightly sights
Of GRINNING TOOTHLESS GUMS!

New Year Resolutions

Each new year, I humbly resolve

To be a better person,

But each year it appears that

My bad habits only worsen!

It is a very lovely thing,

To be most good and kind...

Though to be a perfect little child,

I think I’m not inclined!

For let me tell you something:

I guarantee as I speak

These new year resolutions

They hardly last a week!

Happy New Year !